Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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