If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
