Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
