You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
