If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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