I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
