best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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