Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
