I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Terrible idea I love it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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