bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I am midnight drunk by noon
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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