my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
