i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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