I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
