please come you make the beer taste better
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
