Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
