I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
