I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
