marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
