You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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