we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
