i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
