Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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