I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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