I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
