Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
two words...techno handjob
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
