Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
be right there i have to get my cape
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
