my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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