Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
