We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
