he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
