My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Someone signed my nipple.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
