I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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