i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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