I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
