the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
