it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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