I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
