glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Drunk is not a location!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
