my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
