So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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