JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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