Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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