Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
