She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
