honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
