On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
