He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
