You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
