We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
