did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
