i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
