So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
