Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
